sad

hi

Idk whats going on with me lately. I had late night thoughts everyday. And i will be overthinking about the simplest shit and i will get sad for no reason. I cried for a few days now. I kinda hate myself. Not kinda. I fucking hate myself. Im faken useless. Im better off dead.

Babi la idk whats going on

Can my fucking mind stop fucking around with me

Im just

The type of person that'll live without anyone's love

Because im that strong

But now im fucking weak and
I cant do anything about me

It's

Mind > me now

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2018!!

usually I'll make a list of new year resolutions few days before 1st Jan of the new year. this year, I'll make the list on the 3rd. Getting lazier. This is not a good start --'

Okay so here we go. New hope, new dreams and new goals to achieve.

1. As always, no rice, no burger. Limit my carbohydrates

2. Fast food only once a month. I had my January mcd just now 

3. 55kg!!!! Going to gym, getting out of the comfort zone nad

4. Dean's list, strive harder

5. Solat 5 waktu sehari semalam allahu

6. AlMulk every night. I already skip for this 2 of Jan. Nad why

7. Less hate!

8. Stop bad mouthing 

9. See things in positive side

10. Dont give up easily

11. Boys R NOT everything

12. Less shopping?

13. Skincare routine!

14. Less cursing

15. To be continued.

Life updates

Hi guys. So I deleted some of my blog posts bcs the content was not something useful i guess? So anyways in case any of yall wondering, I am now pursuing my degree in Bachelor of Pharmacy in UiTM Puncak Alam. In fact, now tgh study week. I had like exactly 14 days before the first paper starts. And basically i dont know what im doing...

I realised that studying last minute was my kinda forte, back in high school and diploma years. When i was in high school, i dont understand a single thing on Chemistry, and i studied last minute (very last minute) but i successfully understand the topic and scored well.

Dekat diploma pun camtu. Tak paham. Study last minit. Skor.

But this time, it's different. People have been telling me degree is like the hardest phase of your life. At first, i thought i can prove them wrong. I mean, studying last minute is my forte right?

Nope. It doesn't work that way now, Nad. I do make some changes the way i studied. I make my own notes (depends on the chapter), i studied at nights etc.

I memorise. Every single thing. Even in diploma, i studied calculus. i dont understand a single thing. I hate maths. i thought i was gonna fail that paper. Even during my test 2, i wrote a small note in the corner of my exam sheet, something like, "dear lecturer, im sorry im not doing well throughout this course, but pls know that im trying my best to improve". the lecturer later replied my note, by saying she prayed for me and she wished me good luck.

I ended up scoring the paper. By memorising the method. 

So...

Actually, im kinda fucked up.

Because there's a few courses that really need my understanding to answer the questions. I need to apply what i have studied. which i dont usually do.

I dont apply. I dont know how to.

Wish me luck.

I am still aiming for the dean's list, though.

yours truly x

2016, be nice? Yes?

Salam.

It is 1.21 am now, and I'm wide awake as usual. (Yep sleeping schedule is a mess). So yeah I guess I'll write unti I fall asleep.

2016.

Can you believe it guys? We survived! And as we stepped on onto another year, I guess we'll leave the past behind? All the bad stuff, bad memories, bad influences around you and all the negativities around you.

Let us take a breath and enjoy this new year. With new year's resolutions, in my opinion, it is not your fault if you didn't achieve all of then by the end of the year, the efforts to change and improve that matter. So here's a long list of my 2016 resolution. Something I'll look at by the end of 2016, I hope I make my self proud 👍

1. 55 kg by then end of February 2016, the sooner the better
2. Save your money. You CAN ONLY buy shirts/sweaters/hoodie/blouse that are preloved or bundle
3. Yes you can spend your money for new stuff like shoes etc
4. Follow Atkins diet, but you can eat biscuit
5. Recite Al Mulk every time after Isyak
6. Recire Yassin after Isyak every Thursday
7. Know how to use eyeliner
8. Give more, always expect from people less
9. Green tea 2 times a day, you are not allowed to drink any sweet drinks INCLUDING teh tarik 😩
10. Jog + 7 mins workouts every day
11. Buat lecture notes every time after class
12. Watch movie more to get inspired
13. Listen to music more 
14. Listen to people more
15. Talk less (this is impossible guys)
16. Do not curse. DO NOT
17. Respect others
18. TRY getting out of your comfort zone
19. Drive more, to new places!
20. ANC
21. Try to finish things or labs or homework by your own
22. Stop trusting people, be picky
23. Try hard on stuff that you dreamed of
24. Going to Twenty one pilots (if any)
25. Read novels!

So, I think there's more resolution but I can only think this many. 

So yeah, chaw. Love.

Cheers to a healthy body

Hi! It's been a long time since the last post eh? (which was around this month but last year) I'm sorry to you readers(I know I don't even have any readers, these posts I've been writing is clearly for myself hehe, for future reference of course).

I'm glad to let you know that I am currently approaching my #bodygoals which is 60kg! My current weight is 62kg, so IT IS a good thing right? You should know that my heaviest weight is 74kg (yeah imagine that), which was 'achieved' after 3 months of PLKN. Yup, to those who went to PLKN you know what I mean. 6 meals per day, isn't that insane? Anyway since 31 August 2014 I have decided to quit eating rice. I started stop eating rice and replaced it with various kind of mees(mee bandung, mee hailam, mee goreng, bihun, etc). I also went to the gym in UITM Permatang Pauh few days in a week.But with all that, it still didn't pay much since I don't loss much kg. So I decide to stop eating mees as well. And guess what, I managed to lose a few kg. 

So here I am, sitting and typing in hunger because I have been eating plain biscuits with Milo fow the past few weeks. Haha yeah there are a few cheat days in a week which I eat burgers, lauk pauk and stuff. 

Tiba tiba sampai sini malas type pulak dah. Nak stop ke cane ni... 

Alright so just a few weeks ago I joined a group, Diet Atkins in Facebook. And only then I realized that I have been doing it wrong. LOL. It took me a year to lose 12kg, while the people in the group lose like 10kg in a month! Now you see the problem we have here. So Atkins Diet which is actually a diet that avoid consuming carbs totally, stated that you need to STOP eating rice, noodles etc, bread, biscuits and etc!! Because in order for the fat in your body to burn, you must stop taking carbs in your meals. Because without carbs, you body will start to burn the fat in order to get energy, fat burn for the win. The good news is a I am allowed to eat burger! BUT without the bread. 

Ok sekarang I memang malas and have totally no idea on what to say. 

Hehe, goodnight.

ps I'll write tomorrow, something about Degree in Pharmacy lul

The second post k

Hey peeps.

 

I am currently in library Permatang Pauh. Just me and Shada, doing exercises on Life Sciences which I'll be sitting this Saturday. Well yeah, I had to spend my time in this Pusat IT because my old laptop macam rosak sikit. Haha. I already gave that laptop to a technician but man, he took ages just to look at my laptop!

 

So okay. Menulis blog pada waktu waktu sebegini adalah lagha sebenarnya since I had to study for the final exam.

 

Okay bye! Wismelak.

The first post

Assalamualaikum 

Hi. Oh my I've been longing to write again since ages. I forgot my password to my actual blog so yeah they sent me a verification code to my old phone number so yadda yadda yadda. Now that I got time to write, I am so happy yeay! In case you didnt know, or didnt bother to know, I am currently studying Diploma in Pharmacy in UiTM Penang. Yeah Penang to Kota Damansara is like 4 hours away. Thats kinda suck okay. So yeah things here are being nice to me so far. But of course I do feel stress and down sometimes. I have to study 24/7 with tests and quizzes waiting, together with assignments, presentations and stuff. 

So a little bit about my place; I live in UiTM Permatang Pauh campus but all my classes are in Bertam campus. So even if my class started at 10, I still have to wake up early in the morning and took the bus to Bertam . Which kinda sucks actually. Bertam is a new campus. So the accommodation is quite okay. The doors are automatically open lol. And the classes were filled with air conds. But the food sucks! When I had my MDS last June, the seniors told us that Bertam is a great place to study. They told us that every lunch we can have lunch at KFC. Wow. Guess what, KFC is actually stands for Khemah Food Court. Yeah we didn't even have a food court at this time. But yeah they're building it for us. So we approximately will live in Bertam maybe next year in February. And anyway, girls and boys there will share the same building. What 

 

Anyway I am going to have final exam just around the corner peeps. Not saying that I am in love with this pharmacy stuffs. But I think this programme really suits me. Yeah ever since I got my SPM result, I hate thinking about the future. All I want to do at that time was working in Borders hah. And I let my mom chose the career for me. And here I am. Sigh

So I miss writing so much. I know no one will ever read my blog but I gotta write for my own reference In the future ha. I've learned a lot of things since I became a university student. I learned that people will always be late to what ever occasion. People will always give excuses to what ever task that they gotta do. People will be people. You know what I'm saying 

Alright. I want to write more actually. But I gotta save it for later. Hee but I promised you that I will write to you every single day. Or maybe alternate day haha 

Btw I bought an ukelele. HOW COOL IS THAT. Why? Well because I want to be good in something other than eating and growing fat. Yeah learning it, is tough but I'll get through it. I'll make sure that.

Byebye it's 2 am already and it's Sunday.